Amy Adoyzie Enjoys Life and Junk

from: amyadoyzie@gmail.com
to: info@shanghaiist.com,
date: May 24, 2007 9:15 PM
subject: Photo Courtesy

Hi there,
Just wanted to send a note about an image that was used on Shanghaiist today for this story:
http://www.shanghaiist.com/archives/2007/05/24/there_seem_to_b.php. A friend of mine e-mailed me to tell me that she saw my poor Macbook on your blog and, lo and behold, there it was!
What irks me most about this is that there is an attribution to me at the bottom of the story that says "Photo courtesy of," which would imply that I gave permission to use this image when, in fact, no one has even bothered to send me a message to let me know that this image was on your site (except for my friend who stumbled over it).
Generally, I have no problems with sharing my photos as long as I'm notified and asked beforehand. But in this case, if it weren't for my friend, I would have never known it was on your blog. For future reference, the next time you chose to use an "All Rights Reserved" image, you could at the very least have the 'courtesy' to email the photographer.
-Amy

RIP Zie Zie

In the continuing saga that is Zie Zie's life (and end thereof), I have finally sent her away.
Initially, I was up for testing the Chinese AppleCare system, and was even a little excited about getting the Macbork back with a new hard drive. I thought that since she would be given new guts in China, I could call her my Chinese adoptee. A new name picked out and everything. She was going to be Xiao Zhu (Little Pig) since this is the year of the Pig, giving it heaps of good luck for the future. But ultimately, I decided against that when I called China AppleCare to reluctantly arrange for them to pick Zie Zie up.
They asked that I fax them my info. Fax?! Shouldn't all my info be in their system?
"Aftah we receive your fax, we will contact for pick up."
"How long will it take for the pick up?"
"Maybe one week or two week."
"Two weeks? Why does it take so long?"
"Two week. Because we have another company to do the pick-up."
"Why does it take them so long just to pick it up?"
"Pick up is two week. Because we have another company to do the pick-up."
"I understand. Why so long?"
"Because the other company will do the pick-up. They will take two weeks."
That was when I realized that China is severely lacking in the infrastructure to provide acceptable customer service for AppleCare. What if this "another company" takes Zie Zie away and loses her? There's no real accountability either. I can have all the carbon copies of delivery forms and contracts, but it'd all be in goobly-gook Chinese that I don't know what kind of recourse I would have with those sheets of paper in the States. And Sam pointed out that China is mostly in a state of martial law when it comes to consumer rights, which means that I have none. Half of the things I buy, don't come with a receipt. There are no customer service kiosks flanked with smiling representatives.

But as serendipity will have it, Nat is returning to the States today and she took Zie Zie with her. She's going to drop her off with Gus and Marah and they'll get her treatment at the Apple store in Portland. I won't see Zie Zie until I return in late August.
It says something when the stress of having Zie Zie repaired in China trumps not having her for the next four month.
Here's to my new PC life.

I was watching this when Zie Zie died.

It's official. After speaking with an AppleCare tech, Zie Zie has been diagnosed with a dead hard drive. She's gone.
"It's toast," he said.
He tried to find a list of Apple-certified centers in China, and was unable to navigate/decipher the Chinese website.
"What do you mean you can't read Chinese?" I teased him.
"It's all a bunch of squiggly lines," he replied.
This begins my adventures in redeeming AppleCare in China. It ought to be a guaranteed circus.

Zie Zie was really more than just a laptop. She was my lifeline to sanity, my little tender box where I kept all my creative ventures and she was my lil' darlin'. It's only slowly beginning to sink in all that I've lost with the death of her hard drive. I haven't backed up stuff in the last few weeks. The pictures. The design projects. The ramblings of a madwoman. *Poof* Gone to tech heaven.

Written last night (in my physical journal):
Here I am, in the middle of China with a dearth of tech support.
I am layin in bed, surrounded by four different issues of the New Yorker, each spread to the middle of stories. My mind is so wrapped up in the stress of saving Zie Zie that I don't have the attention span to finish any of the articles.
I called China's Apple support today and was working with a staff of customer service reps that seemed ill-prepared to help someone in English.
"Oh, hi Miss Eh-mee. Okay. We must-ah try some poh-see-jures to see if we can use the hahd drive. Okay."
It's frustrating to do troubleshooting on the phone, but to do it in slow-mo teacher talk is actually slightly amusing.
"Aftah discuss this wis my co-workahs, we sink somesing is wrong with the hahd drive."
Just as I feared.
"Your Macbork need to go to a service centah."
When he re-read the serial number of Zie Zie back to me, I was keen on the words he used to clarify letters.
"L. L like love. U, like university. E. E for Engrish."
He really said EngRish. He also tried to get away with "T, like tea."
I hope that Zie Zie can speak Chinglish, because she's will be in their hands soon.

Late last evening, I was in the middle of a design project for Razorcake, typing up a new blog post and watching asinine YouTube clips when ZieZie froze like a deer flashed out by the bright headlights of an oncoming big-rig. I tried resuscitating her, to no avail.
Now whenever she boots, there's this clicky sound, which through Google research I have learned has been dubbed the click of death.
I'm sad.
Beyond sad.
This might mean that my hard drive has imploded.
And what I'm really most bummed about is not being able to meet my deadline for Razorcake, on a layout design that I was so excited about- but won't be able to complete.
The disappointment in being unable to finish my design trumps the stress of having to deal with ZieZie's possibly dead hard drive while I'm in the middle of boonies-ville China.
And then there's the zine I wanted to put together for the students. Then there are the application essays I needed to write to apply to other programs. Then there's the pictures I lost. Oh, the pictures...

Anyway, I'm writing now to let ya'll know that I'm so bummed and sad that I can't even think of other words besides bummed and sad to describe how I'm feeling. It almost feels like losing a phantom limb, but worse.
I'm rambling now.

It's a lucky coincidence that I decided to begin my 365 Days project on 4/13. I'm actually a really superstitious person and this is one of the dumb, tiny ways that I'm trying to conquer my lameness.
I am thankful that I'm not stricken with neither triskaidekaphobia (the fear of the number 13) or tetraphobia (the fear of the number 4).

Here's to an auspicious year of 365ing!
(The 365 Days Flickr Group)

The Chinese have got a word for turkey, but they seem to lack actual fire chickens (literally translated). Now where am I supposed to find a drumstick the size of my forearm to munch on?
Don't feel too bad for me, because my family isn't very big on western holidays and they were only elaborate affairs when we were kids who wanted to mimic what all of our normal American classmates were doing. Sure it was unquestionably inauthentic with Stovetop stuffing, stirred mash potatoes from a box of white flakes and gravy that came from a pouch and just needed water. But mom always nailed the turkey, basting it with soy sauce and bottled ancient Chinese flavorings only found at the 99 Ranch Market. We didn't even use chopsticks at Thanksgiving dinner.
I'm not missing the food as much as I miss how our family came together to get our American on.



To stave off any nostalgia-induced saddies, I didn't even make dinner tonight. Instead, I bought a 5-kuai bag of Chinese roasted chestnuts and just lived Thanksgiving as another day where I'm thankful all types of junk. Being in Chinars (with an American passport). My semi-functional family (with mom's catfish soup, dad's yam farm dreams and my brothers calling me homeless). The fully-awesome friends back home (with their access to rad shows and Sparks). My trove of inanimate objects to which I have assigned personalities and names like my lifelong buddies Lum Jum and Baby Pillow, my technological BFF Zie Zie, and my faithful Basil waiting for me to return my booty to her seat.
Ni bu yao dan xin wo, you needn't worry. I'm doing alright, counting all my birrions of blessings.

My initial wireless jubilation may have been premature as my connection has been unbelievably shoddy, going out at 15-20 minute intervals. What gives?
I know it's not the actual internet connection, as I am using right now and it works through the router since I am getting at least 15 minutes of wireless awesomeness. And I don't think that it's because I configured the router incorrectly, since I got it to work- period.
The only other issues that I can fathom is that either A) I'm getting mad interference from a hundred microwaves and cordless phones (which seems unlikely, considering that I'm on the third floor with only one neighbor on the same level, and she has neither a microwave or cordless phone; or B) The router is kinda not working so awesome. I'm guessing B.
Dangit.
Too good to be true.
I'm gonna try my darndest to figure this out. Or else I'll have to go back to the computer village, try to find the little stall that sold it to me, and hope for a refund. Although, I don't think refund is in anyone's Chinese vocabulary.
I shoulda just gone for the poor man's wireless. What was I finkings! I'm in Chinars, after all...
Things just don't work like they're supposed to here.]

[UPDATE 10/31]
I am happy to report that I don't believe it is an issue with my new wireless router toy, rather it is the shoddy internet connection in and of itself. Yeah! So, while I am relieved that I am pretty certain that it is the sporadic internect hook up, it still bums me out cause I don't get to enjoy my wi-fi-ness to the fullest! Hopefully, the connection will be straightened out and I'll be basking the 21st century free of interuption!

Seeing as how it's gonna get wicked cold pretty soon and I've been having a helluva time here, I treated myself to one of the technological wonders of my lifetime: wireless.
I was in the capitol city of Changsha to take care of some business, and director Dan and I visited dian nao shi, computer village. Dan was shopping for poor man's wireless, 15 meters of ethernet cord, and I was gonna go balls out and get my wireless on! He ended up only spending 32 kuai while I dropped a whopping 245 kuai ($30 USD). A few weeks ago, a local Huarong computer store tried to rip me off with a 600 kuai used wireless router, so this was definitely an awesome buy.
After spending hours, many of them consumed with overwhelming with tech rage, I was finally able to figure out how to set it up.
So, here I am. Sitting on my comfy couch. On the internet. A wire nary in sight.
This is going to be beautifully comfortable come the unbearable winter, when Zie Zie can warm up my lap as I am wrapped in a blanket, perusing The New York Times.
Wi-fi is my new best friend.

Tommorow will be the last day of our teaching practicum, and my lesson today I taught them slang like:
hella
tight
sweet
yo
dude
peace out (with the fist to the heart and peace sign!)
Please take a moment and imagine a class of 30 chinese 10th graders saying the following in unison
"Yo dude, that girl is hella sweet."

Thank you. My job is done!

***

Two boys, Blues and Heaven, asked Natalie and I about an English word. They kept referring to sweat and pointing at our arms. There was a mention of black stuff. We were able to extrapolate that they were asking about what we call that gunky junk that ends up on our fingernails from the layer of sweat on our skin. I said the word in Cantonese, something like maan (sounds like slow), and the kids understood it and said it in Mandarin. They were disappointed to find out that there was no English equivalent.
Or is there?

***

Two days ago I did a lesson on independent publishing and one of my teaching partners gave me the finger-across-the-neck gesture as to kill the lesson because he thought I was going to speak of revolution or some shit. Instead, I had each of the students draw a comic about a superhero that they create and write a story about how their hero can make China a better country.
It was heartbreaking at first, when they all just looked at me and stared blankly at their pieces of paper. Many of my students were having difficulty with being creative and writing a story of their own. As an example, I introduced Funzilla in a story about how she went to the moon to lure some panda bears to China in order to make it a great country. Eventually, everybody caught on and submitted amazing stories, but it was still odd to see all these 16-year-olds struggle with creative writing.
I laid them out together and made a small zine of their comics. Sixty-four yuan later, each kid in my class had their own copy of their comic zine! It was such a fantastic feeling to seem them excitedly flip through their independent publication. I know I won't be able to do anything like this when I get to my host school because I'll have about a thousand students, so it felt nice to be able to do it for someone. Once a zinester, always a zinester.

***

Some of our students invited a group of teachers out to dinner. They asked what I liked and I said that I don't eat meat.
"So, you are a virgin," one of the girls said.
I looked at her and tried not to laugh my guts out and said, "No (I'm not a virgin). The word is vegetarian."
Then I held her arm firmly and looked her in the eyes and asked, "Do you know the word you said?"
She was confused for a moment before blushing and giggling nervously. Later, I saw her in the hall about to fall on the floor laughing with her friend.



In ZieZie news: ZieZie pooped out again a couple days ago when I brought her to school. I think it may have been too hot and it just went to take a nap. It's back in working order, but the shut-downs spook me. Anybody think it's a bigger problem?

In weather news: Apparently Changsha is one of four "ovens" in China (the others being Wuhan, Nanjing and Chong Qing). It was more than 100 degrees fahrenheit yesterday, and it felt even worse with it's thick as peanut butter humidity. Everyone is melting.

Default is my new friend. It's the name of the wireless connection at the Changsha Number One Middle School, where we have Chinese class and further orientation.

ZieZie and Default together!

A couple days ago, after a long day of suffering through insufferable heat, a group of us took an excursion to a place called something like the Blind Massage Hospital, where blind folk give hour-long full-body massages for what amounts to about $4 USD. I was very intrigued with this idea of getting my booty rubbed, literally, by some blind folk.
Upon our arrival, I made sure to request a female masseuse because if a dude's gonna be rubbin' on my bootay, there better be a dinner date involved. Before we even go to the massage hospital I heard a story from somehow who thinks he got a massage from a man who wasn't blind, Steve saw the man look around the room and "peek." Apparently my massagey girl wasn't blind neither and I made a huge fool of myself by having a laser eye staring contest with her while she gave me the most heavenly head massage.
The entire time I was thinking, "She's totally staring me down! She ain't blinds!"
But I wasn't completely sure until she was kneading my arm and lifted up my shirt sleeve to check out my tattoo.
In shoddy mandarin I asked, "You can see?"
"A little," she replied.
The moral of the story is to not creep out massage ladies by having a stare down. Apparently, since our group was so big they had to call out reserve masseuse to mush us, and some of them happened to be of sight. I'm still gonna go back and get my rub on, but next time I'll be more subtle about testing the blindies.

We began our first day of Chinese class today and we reviewed our ping ying and junk. Our teacher is going to teach us this deliciously cheesy Chinese love song so's that I can get tipsy (getting drunk is kinda uncool as a teacher), and totally rule at karaoke.

In ZieZie's health newz: I was telling Daniel, the field director, about my ailin' baby and he solemnly reminded me of SIDS (Sudden Infant Death Syndrome). I was way bummed about the frozen state, refusing to load anything but a sad grey screen. After many tries, it finally booted with the floating firewire symbol and Lance thought that he might be able to hook ZieZie up to his MacBook to rescue data, but his machine couldn't see ZieZie in a million hours. At that point, it just felt like a lost cause, that I'd have to figure out how to get to an approved Apple repair shop in this vast land of China or to wipe my hard drive and re-install OS X. I sat on my bed, slowly caressing the smooth surface of ZieZie trying hard not to scream from frustration. I turned her over and played with the battery release button and popped the battery out just for the helluvit. There was some dust at the side and I brushed it off and poked around in the battery bed. I was just crushed and didn't know what else to do but to fiddle with its only removable part.
After sticking the battery back in, I thought I'd give it another try and boot it. The grey screen came on. The apple came on. Then Gus's big ol' mug, my desktop picture, flashed onto the monitor. ZieZie came out of a coma! Hallelujah! ZieZie is alive in Chinars! Yippee!

Since ZieZie is now in good health I'll write more detailed entries that I'll cut and paste into the bloggy. These past few entries are pretty much jumbled thoughts that I spit out while paying 2RMB/hour in a smokey internet cafe.

And it's still very hot. I consume many bottles of water daily and I constantly feel like a sticky movie theater floor.

Zie Zie, my new Macbook baby, arrived yesterday and the event could only be described as pee-in-my-pants worthy, even though I didn't wet myself. Since I don't have any real super software on here, alls I did was fuck around on Photobooth with Gus for about a half hour. Apparently, we are rather easily amused as we busted all of our guts laughing so hard at these dumb pics like these:

My, what a busy busy week or so.
Here's a list run down because I'm not feeling particularly eloquent and prose-y.

. Finished Post-It Diaries. It was quite odd revisiting my old LJ posts of my short-lived career. I completed the zine exactly one year from the day I quit, May 20th. So many incredibly awesome things have happened within this past year that it made me realize I may have too many lucky stars to even begin counting.

. Did two readings! Paid readings! If we're talking about pay in exchange for time, I think I was paid about minimum wage per MINUTE! Keith hooked me up because he thought that my overtly obnoxious personality would make me a suitable reader-mate. We read at University of Oregon and an alternative high school. Jaden from Eaves of Ass was there too, and we were all collectively more nervous about reading to teenagers than at the Uni.
It was lots of fun, even though we spent most of the time recuperating from a party the night before. Ryan, our gracious host, had to drive our asses to and from Eugene (2 hours each way) and listen to us whine about our collective hangovers.

. Surprised I didn't get in a fight! So that party I mentioned above, it was for girl who busted out her front teeth while drunk on a bike. She had replacement dentures, that fell into the toilet while she was drunk vomiting, and consequently flushed. So that party was a benefit for her to get permanent teefs. I don't know the girl but that didn't stop me from loudly calling her "faces of meth" a few times after I had enjoyed about three cans of Sparks.
And then when Jacie's jaw dropped to the floor from hearing me say such terrible things, I justified it with, "What? It's true!"

. That same night Anna and I had a hankerin' for burritos and walked to La Casita where I found a wallet on the sidewalk. Anna googled the lady, whom the wallet belonged to, and called her up. She gave us a $50 gift certificate to a fancy schmancy restaurant on 17th and Hawthorne and we got to live like very poor versions of celebutantes for a couple hours where money was no object (as long as we had a gift certificate).

. Ordered a MacBook. !!!!!. I got the white 2GHz model (with upgraded 1G of ram). I was initially concerned with the white version, because they do offer a black version for $150 more (aesthetic rip-off), due to the fact that when I was a child a fortune teller told my folks that white was a bad luck color for me. But I asked internet's I Ching about the purchase, and it said it was a good idear. Gus relies heavily on the internet I Ching to help him make important decisions, and he's a white man who eats well and has never been to prison- so if the I Ching has been good to him then I figured it would work for me. So yeah, even though I was initially hesitant about the white purchase because of chinky voodoo- this thingy on the internet persuaded me with virtual voodoo.
Thanks Cormies!

. Got a physical. I need it to obtain a Chinese Visa because they don't want any inferior or infectious American folk fuckin' up all their billions of slantees. Getting a physical isn't a big deal, but when you don't have health insurance, it's a lot of wrangling. I've had a bad experience with a county health center and wasn't looking forward to this. The first place I called said they didn't have an appointment available until two weeks after I needed it. After many other disapointing calls, I phoned the SW Community Health Center that gave me an appointment two days after I first called!
I went yesterday and saw that it was a volunteer-run non-profit, staffed with seasoned MDs and first-year med students. It was kinda bizarre to see the young yellow faces of two Asian med students as I walked in because of our career-economic disparities. This is a leftover from having been raised by immigrant folks, when you see yellers in a place that is usually all honked-out, you notice all the little things. One of the med students, Monica, who didn't even look older than me, had to take my pulse using her cell phone timer because she forgot to wear a watch. It was kinda surreal to sit there in my dirty jeans, as she flipped open her Razor and felt for my heart beat.
In all, the SW Community Center visit was amazingly fantastic. I've never seen such a nice non-profit health center that relies solely on donations and government funding. Their staff was courteous and super friendly. It took me an hour and a half to get out there, but completely worth it considering that I only donated $20 and got a physical out of it.

Whew! No it's onward with planning the FUNraiser for moizes. There'll be a keggerz and mixed rink for a small donations. Anna and Jacie have helped find bands and a DJ for this party, so if you live in the PDX area, give me a holla and get up here!